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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356254">Good God, Let me give you my Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose'>DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All Elite Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, I don’t have the best opinions of Christianity, Its a rite of passage for every fic writer, I’d actually say this is super unhealthy, Kenny already thinks he is one, Kenny is pretty far gone, Kenny needs some help, Kota is obsessed with becoming a god, M/M, Power Imbalance, Religious Imagery &amp; Symbolism, Someone take my phone away from me, Song: Take Me To Church (Hozier), Was originally going to be a Hanahaki fic, Why Did I Write This?, like I literally weaved bible verses into this, so read this with a vaguely sarcastic tone., someone give Kenny a hug, there’s so much religion stuff in this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ibushi Kota/Kenny Omega</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Good God, Let me give you my Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 4:30 in the morning of January 4th, and Kenny had promised himself that he wouldn't watch the match. He couldn't be weak, he knew what it would do to him. </p><p>He'd cancelled his plans for the day, because he knew he wouldn't get anything done. He knew he wouldn't be able to think about anything or anyone else.</p><p>He had ignored all the texts and calls from both the Bullet Club and the Elite group chats. He knew that his friends were wide awake much like he was, watching the events of Wrestle Kingdom 15 unfold. </p><p>He blocks out the world, and gives himself time to mourn that part of his life. Maybe then, it will finally, finally stop haunting him.</p><p>He hates that he's so weak that he lets these old feelings control him. He hates that he's still bound by these foolish attachments, that he cannot find peace nor freedom. He stares at the ceiling, and all he can think of is him, him, <i> him. </i></p><p>
 His eyes, his hair, the way his smile would light up the room, the way that he would always feels so safe in Kota's strong arms. It was the only place his spirit could ever find rest. Kota's embrace was his salvation, and Kota his saviour. 
</p><p>
He could preach to the masses, telling the parables of the grace and strength in Kota's every movement, his bravery and unwavering determination. 
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He never should have taken Kota for granted. Look at him now.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Every moment of the love they had shared had been another chapter in a blissful epic, a cautionary tale that haunted Kenny.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He has everything he wants. He has the title, he's the face of the company. But something is missing. He has everything and yet he still feels incomplete. His soul cannot find any peace, he needs to be saved.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He breaks, and turns on the match. Every time Kota lands awkwardly, he cringes. Breathing feels odd, his chest is too tight. Another awkward landing, right on Kota's neck. His skin crawls, he hates to see the man he worships so unconditionally in such pain.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kota is still beautiful. Bronzed skin, soft lips, soulful eyes. He hasn't aged a day since they first met. He's amaranthine, he's boundless, he's eternity itself, he is everything.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He feels tears dripping into his hands like holy water. Trickling like time, time that's running out. He pulls at his hair, roughly. He's breaking down completely, and it's as real and raw as anything he's ever felt. He wants to repent, beg for forgiveness for every sin, but he doesn't.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He only watches, as Kota achieves his dream. He sees the tears on his face, mingling with the sweat. Is he thinking of Kenny in this moment? Does he think of his loyal disciple for even a second?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>'Finally.' He types out, in Japanese. 'Congrats.' </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Another sob wracks his chest, it's the early hours of the morning, so he stifles it with a hand.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He knows, deep in his soul, that he never stopped loving Kota Ibushi. Even through his and Adam's brief dalliance, he often found himself crying out the wrong name. Whispering a prayer to a God that wasn't listening.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He knows it hurt Adam's feelings. He knows that's the real reason he started drinking again. He knows. It's too late to apologise, to late to fix, too late to figure it all out. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Does this all mean Kota has stopped loving him? Does this truly mean he has let go of all his earthly tethers, and become a god?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Had those speeches been a message to Kenny? Telling him that he was letting go and moving on?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>If Ibushi is a God now, he will pledge his life to him. He will live by his teachings, he will do anything for him. That is the way it has always been and the way it'll always be.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>His devotion is unconditional, but his God still doesn't see him. He's but a whisper in the wind, perfumed blossoms following him like a manifestation of his sins.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He prays to Kota, the only divine entity that he truly believes in anymore. He faintly recalls a few psalms, from days long before he cast religion aside, days when he cared for spiritual things. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>From days where even a shred of him had believed that fate was kind and just.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He presses his palms together and closes his eyes, lacing his fingers together. He rests his head on his hands, and prays. Truly prays to him, with faith in his heart. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He knows that an act such as this is beyond delusional, but he cannot find it in himself to care. He prays in Japanese, so if his God hears, he will understand.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He laughs bitterly, long and loud, until tears are streaming from his eyes.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Is this not the definition of insanity? Repeating every day like these feelings will simply vanish, expecting his faith in his God to fade along with the memories. It's the sweetest blasphemy, the most beautiful sacrilege, and Kenny is drowning in it all.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He knows he is just tormenting himself, but he never wants it to stop. The euphoric, heady feeling that came with the breathlessness from sobs and the burning of regret.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The show is finally over.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He sends Kota a long, rambling message, writing out another prayer, translating it with ease. The wording is no less beautiful, no less elegant. He knows he's beyond deluded, he's tumbling down into insanity all over again.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
      <i> Let this morning bring me a testament of your faithful, unyielding love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. </i>
</p><p>
      <i>If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels but do not have love, I am only a fading whisper amongst a jilted crowd.</i>
</p><p>
      <i>Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?</i>
</p><p>
      <i>If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I so choose to make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your teachings will follow me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light become fathomless darkness around me" even the void will not be dark to you. The night will shine like the day, for darkness to me, is as light is to you. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He lays back, staring at the ceiling. Just laying there, trying to forget the world. His phone chimes.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
      <i> I've missed you dearly, my disciple. </i>
    
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kenny's heart swells with love, and he lets out a delighted sigh. Kota loves him still. He's playing this twisted and elaborate game they have constructed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
      <i> In your heresy, have you found peace? In the renouncement of your faith, in your apostasy, have you found salvation? Even though my actions toward you were benevolent, evocative of the sanctity we shared, you desecrated the very temple we had built together.</i>
</p><p>
      <i>I know your devotion knows no bounds, I know that temptation may have led you astray, but take my hand and trust in my love, and we can create a new kingdom together. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kenny reads the message over and over, taking it all in. His God has heard him. His God loves him still, despite his sins. His God is falling at his side, promising him the sanctuary of his salvation.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He weaves a response from his heartstrings, pure as truth itself. He doesn't hover over the send button.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
      <i> Remember, my God, your benevolence and mercy which you showed long ago. I pray, do not recall the sins and failings of my youth. In your mercy, remember me as I am, how I became, because of your grace.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Wash me from my guilt and cleanse me of my sins. I acknowledge my grave transgressions, and I promise you nothing but my utmost devotion. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>If anyone knew the way he was acting, they would surely think he was mad, or a fraud. Here he is, submitting so easily to the man he believes to be a god.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>But that’s the thing, isn’t it? </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He doesn’t know what to do without him.</i>
  </i>
</p>
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